Archive for Faith

Dear God,

I’m going to admit it.

I’m blind.

Was, is, and probably will be. Especially if it takes me this long to figure things out.

I was blinded by my own desires… it looked a lot shinier than it seemed. I was blinded by my ignorance… I try not to be, but sometimes I am. I guess you could call it human fallacy. I was blinded by Your will. It was so magnificent that I couldn’t even see it. It was so good that I didn’t even want to acknowledge that it was there. I wanted more. I didn’t want to think about the possibility that I was exactly where I belonged. I can’t believe it took me an entire year to figure it out, too, especially since all the signs were pointing to it. I get it, God. I finally get it. I can’t believe that I ever questioned You. I can’t believe that I didn’t listen after all three Student Body Officers and the VP of Student Life sat me down and forbade me to resign from Senate. “We’re not going to let you make the worst decision of your college career. You can’t leave. We’re not going to let you resign.” And “Even if you do get voted in, you can’t quit Senate, Jess. You need to realize that it’s where you belong. You belong there because you’re good at what you do. Whatever you do, don’t leave Senate.” I can’t believe that I didn’t listen after they came around the first time and told me that I wasn’t voted in. “Take this as an opportunity,” they said, “to pursue other things.” I did end up pursuing other things: Senate. Chairing a new committee. But I wasn’t doing it whole-heartedly. I only saw it as a time-killer that would keep me busy and occupied until Spring Rush. I didn’t fully appreciate the frontier I was presented with when the entire Intercollegiate Committee was placed in my hands.

But today I saw, and I mean that I really saw, that Student Government is my niche. I am truly blessed to be in a position where my talents and passion can be fully utilized to do good, and do well at doing good. I realized it when one of my committees had to review Court nominations and freshman Senator and Officer nominations, and also when I had the opportunity to sit in on interviews for the sophomore senate opening. I realized that I had been focusing and thinking like I never had previously, like I got a new eye prescription. I saw. I see it now, that I was foolish to try and pave my own path through my college career, and not sit back and let You take the reins and steer me through.

Thank You, for giving me peace in my heart. Thank You, oh so much, for allowing me to finally realize that I just need to trust. Thank You.

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Are you there God? It’s me, Jessica.

All I can say is WOW.

I feel so mixed-up right now about everything.

I quit trying to stay one step ahead of You a long, long time ago.
Only because I know that You’ll always win.

You’ve been so good to me. Too good, almost.

And I feel so greedy to be requesting this:
I want a place in Chamber this semester.
Honestly.

But I know that whatever You decide to throw my way,
I’ll take it.
Without question, or anger, or frustration.
Okay, okay, honestly though? A little q-a-f.
But I promise it won’t last long.
And I promise I will put the best of my efforts into
whatever it is that You want me to do.

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