Archive for Jake!

Great, grand, super, official master life plan:

Only for the next 10 years of my life. After I turn 28, I figure I’ll have enough experiences under my belt to make educated decisions without having to plan them out like this.

1. Finish college as an international business/something else major. Find job? Will take any company willing to send me to exotic lands “on business” to complete important projects.

2. Fall madly in love. Have considered the possibility of being a politician’s wife… think I could do a wonderful job at it — all I have to do is make someone else look good, smile at the camera, and maintain a tabloid-free life. Have also considered the possibility of being a musician’s wife: be the subject of all his eargasmic creations, star in his music videos, travel across the country for his concerts. Wouldn’t mind that lifestyle at all. So glamorous!

3. Retire/quit job, take earnings, take out a loan, find investors, and then open up my own cafe. Most likely as an LLC… least risk. And easier to go national. Specialize in pairing coffee & cupcake flavors… store name: Coffee & Cupcakes! Maybe without the exclamation point. Yes, we’re hiring!

4. Maybe have kids. I know I want two. Boy first, then girl. 4-5 years apart. The baby girl needs that good older brother role in her life. Step out of the kitchen, into the office. Open multiple C&C locations. Keep recipes top secret and locked in a vault… hey, the marketing strategy works well for KFC, doesn’t it?

5. Become a movie star. One of my customers is bound to be a casting director or something like that. He will discover my natural talent for acting and I will star alongside Jake Gyllenhaal in a romantic comedy. This is around the time my politician/musician husband gets into some publicity scandal and my lawyer will advise a separation in the interest of my well-being. Behold!– Jake takes advantage of the fact that I am a MILF with a multi-million business and two beautiful children and becomes determined to sweep me off my feet. Who am I to reject that? My husband will be caught in moral quicksand and I will have an excuse to divorce him, and marry Jake. Probably within the same week.

6. And then I celebrate my last year as a twenty-something with a trip around the world with my new hubby…

… a girl can dream, can’t she?


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Needs whipped cream. And a cherry (or two!). Yum!


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