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Maxwell Dorian, Valedictorian

Poor kid.

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Life: 2, Jessica: 0

It’s only Tuesday, and I’ve managed to get myself into yet another awkward situation! (Okay, yes, technically it’s Wednesday, but I haven’t slept yet, so it’s Tuesday.)

Sneaker-sandals called me in the middle of my committee meeting today. I told him that I was busy and would call back in fifteen minutes. So I did. He asked me if I had eaten. I said no. He said that he would pick me up. Why?, I asked. Phi Chi date dash at Peter Piper’s Pizza!, he said. Do you want to go? … … You know how in movies and on t.v., there’s always an angel and a devil sitting on someone’s shoulders when they’re about to make a decision? Well, okay, it was more of a “be-nice-fairy” and a “you-don’t-honestly-want-to-go-fairy” on my shoulders. And guess who won? Yeah.

So he came and picked me up. We were definitely like sardines in his frat brother’s Ford Explorer. Made it to P.P.P’s in one piece, and thankfully not permanently welded to Sneaker-sandals. Didn’t eat because the pizza looked like it was made with moldy cheese so I stuck to my cup of water. They had cups of tokens so we went and played a gun-shooting game and a video version of Deal or No Deal and won fifteen tokens. It was super awkward because I’m pretty sure he’s not the popular kid of his fraternity, but that’s beside the point. You guys have to realize that he has a girlfriend who is a couple of states away, but his body language and the way he acted definitely stated otherwise. So awkward!

All in all, I did not have fun. I don’t even enjoy my cheap-o neon green friendship bracelet that we got as a prize for trading in those tickets, and the neon green ones are my favorite. I did not enjoy sitting in the back of a car with his arm on the back of my side of the seat. Nor did I enjoy having to make small talk.

I think this is God’s idea of a cruel joke or something. Two odd back-to-back experiences. What’s next?


Okay, so that might have been a tough one to decipher, so I’ve made a glossary for you, dear reader!

Sneaker-sandal: Awkward kid I met the first weekend of my freshman year. He thinks he is a Ninja. No joke.
Phi Chi: A Christian fraternity on campus.
Date dash: a popular Greek event where members are instructed at last minute to find a date within a certain time frame and make it to a central location, where planned festivities occur — usually food of some sort, accompanied by an activity.

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I have a slight problem…

Some might call it a quirk, a habit, and you might even be able to get away with calling it a bit.

But it basically comes down to this: I can’t sit down and study unless my room/work area is spotless. Really. I think I just spent the last 4 hours arranging and rearranging things that don’t need to be moved. I have also gone through two pots of coffee since the beginning of my cleaning quest. I’m also not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure that can’t be good…

See, I’m in a bit of a predicament. I have oodles of classwork and reading to be done before class starts in about 9 hours, and I also have to get myself to sleep before then. But Jess, you’ve been out of class since 1:00 today! I freakin’ know!! But I’ve been running all across campus and back and forth from the SG office. And I had a little bonding time with the new suitemates, and a project meeting, so cut me some slack, will ya?

I shouldn’t be blogging right now, but I absolutely honestly cannot help it. I should be reading two days’ worth of The Wall Street Journal, excerpts from The Leviathan, completing my chinese workbook assignment (do I have a quiz in the class tomorrow?), and reading about genes and gene transfers or whatever you science type people call it.

I’ve been distracted by my upcoming excursion back home this weekend. All this thinking about stuffing my face with deliciousness has really taken a toll on my poor, over-worked brain. A girl can only handle so much at a time! With classes and quizzes and a lurking exam, and thinking about cooking and baking this weekend, my brain is entirely pooped. Yes, I’m trying to justify my procrastination. And yes, I do feel (relatively) guilty for wasting so much time, so I’m gonna go now.

[edited at 12:55 a.m.]– okay, so I had to take a shower first. I like being clean. :)

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Great, grand, super, official master life plan:

Only for the next 10 years of my life. After I turn 28, I figure I’ll have enough experiences under my belt to make educated decisions without having to plan them out like this.

1. Finish college as an international business/something else major. Find job? Will take any company willing to send me to exotic lands “on business” to complete important projects.

2. Fall madly in love. Have considered the possibility of being a politician’s wife… think I could do a wonderful job at it — all I have to do is make someone else look good, smile at the camera, and maintain a tabloid-free life. Have also considered the possibility of being a musician’s wife: be the subject of all his eargasmic creations, star in his music videos, travel across the country for his concerts. Wouldn’t mind that lifestyle at all. So glamorous!

3. Retire/quit job, take earnings, take out a loan, find investors, and then open up my own cafe. Most likely as an LLC… least risk. And easier to go national. Specialize in pairing coffee & cupcake flavors… store name: Coffee & Cupcakes! Maybe without the exclamation point. Yes, we’re hiring!

4. Maybe have kids. I know I want two. Boy first, then girl. 4-5 years apart. The baby girl needs that good older brother role in her life. Step out of the kitchen, into the office. Open multiple C&C locations. Keep recipes top secret and locked in a vault… hey, the marketing strategy works well for KFC, doesn’t it?

5. Become a movie star. One of my customers is bound to be a casting director or something like that. He will discover my natural talent for acting and I will star alongside Jake Gyllenhaal in a romantic comedy. This is around the time my politician/musician husband gets into some publicity scandal and my lawyer will advise a separation in the interest of my well-being. Behold!– Jake takes advantage of the fact that I am a MILF with a multi-million business and two beautiful children and becomes determined to sweep me off my feet. Who am I to reject that? My husband will be caught in moral quicksand and I will have an excuse to divorce him, and marry Jake. Probably within the same week.

6. And then I celebrate my last year as a twenty-something with a trip around the world with my new hubby…

… a girl can dream, can’t she?

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People are stupid.

Someone should kidnap them and eat them as punishment. An eye for an eye — if it worked for Hammurabi, it can work for us.

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