The week hasn’t started and things are already getting weird…

I decided on the way back from Plano that I needed to hit the gym after all the Chinese New Year (read: eating until immobile) festivities this evening. So I called up Mary N. and we agreed to go after some studying/Friends-watching got done.

Everything was going great. The treadmills were new(!) and were just begging me to run on them. The mats were free of smelly people and I could stretch and do crunches as much as I wanted to. The weight machines were for the most part uninhabited and there was none of that ridiculously awkward waiting-for-the-other-person-to-finish-so-I’ll-stand-and-twiddle-my-thumbs business. It was perfect…

I could feel my legs getting less jiggly by the minute, so I stopped my weights workout. Mary N. hopped onto the machine and I stood there, catching my breath. And then!– this creepy He-Woman made eye contact with me across the railing that separates the free weights from the weight machines. And this is the horrifying transcript of the longest thirty seconds of my life:

He-Woman: Tiffany?!
Me: …no, sorry.
He-Woman: Really? Oh that’s too bad, person-who-has-a-face-just-as-cute-as-Tiffany. That’s okay. I’ll just stand here for a minute and look at your cute face and then I’ll leave.
Me: …uhh… (I turned to look at Mary. We shared wide-eyed glances in horror. Then I turned to see if He-Woman was still there. …he/she was.)
He-Woman: (stares at me, bug-eyed. blinks hard a couple of times. continues staring again.)
Me: (turned again to look at Mary. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.)
He-Woman: (blinks hard two more times.) Okay, bye! (returns to his/her free weights).

In the five seconds between his/her awkward staring and his/her “okay, bye!”, Mary had already hopped off the machine and was ready to run out of the weight room with me.

Mary: “Jess! He was raping you with his eyes! Oh my gosh!!”

And the moral of this story is:
Don’t go to the gym alone. There will always be creepy people, and the creepiness is more tolerable if you have someone there to feel uncomfortable with.

And to all the He-Womans in the world:
If you are fat, jiggle, and have boobies, along with a slightly higher-pitched voice than your male compatriots, it doesn’t help your appearance at all if you also have pierced ears.


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I have a slight problem…

Some might call it a quirk, a habit, and you might even be able to get away with calling it a bit.

But it basically comes down to this: I can’t sit down and study unless my room/work area is spotless. Really. I think I just spent the last 4 hours arranging and rearranging things that don’t need to be moved. I have also gone through two pots of coffee since the beginning of my cleaning quest. I’m also not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure that can’t be good…

See, I’m in a bit of a predicament. I have oodles of classwork and reading to be done before class starts in about 9 hours, and I also have to get myself to sleep before then. But Jess, you’ve been out of class since 1:00 today! I freakin’ know!! But I’ve been running all across campus and back and forth from the SG office. And I had a little bonding time with the new suitemates, and a project meeting, so cut me some slack, will ya?

I shouldn’t be blogging right now, but I absolutely honestly cannot help it. I should be reading two days’ worth of The Wall Street Journal, excerpts from The Leviathan, completing my chinese workbook assignment (do I have a quiz in the class tomorrow?), and reading about genes and gene transfers or whatever you science type people call it.

I’ve been distracted by my upcoming excursion back home this weekend. All this thinking about stuffing my face with deliciousness has really taken a toll on my poor, over-worked brain. A girl can only handle so much at a time! With classes and quizzes and a lurking exam, and thinking about cooking and baking this weekend, my brain is entirely pooped. Yes, I’m trying to justify my procrastination. And yes, I do feel (relatively) guilty for wasting so much time, so I’m gonna go now.

[edited at 12:55 a.m.]– okay, so I had to take a shower first. I like being clean. :)

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Dear God,

I’m going to admit it.

I’m blind.

Was, is, and probably will be. Especially if it takes me this long to figure things out.

I was blinded by my own desires… it looked a lot shinier than it seemed. I was blinded by my ignorance… I try not to be, but sometimes I am. I guess you could call it human fallacy. I was blinded by Your will. It was so magnificent that I couldn’t even see it. It was so good that I didn’t even want to acknowledge that it was there. I wanted more. I didn’t want to think about the possibility that I was exactly where I belonged. I can’t believe it took me an entire year to figure it out, too, especially since all the signs were pointing to it. I get it, God. I finally get it. I can’t believe that I ever questioned You. I can’t believe that I didn’t listen after all three Student Body Officers and the VP of Student Life sat me down and forbade me to resign from Senate. “We’re not going to let you make the worst decision of your college career. You can’t leave. We’re not going to let you resign.” And “Even if you do get voted in, you can’t quit Senate, Jess. You need to realize that it’s where you belong. You belong there because you’re good at what you do. Whatever you do, don’t leave Senate.” I can’t believe that I didn’t listen after they came around the first time and told me that I wasn’t voted in. “Take this as an opportunity,” they said, “to pursue other things.” I did end up pursuing other things: Senate. Chairing a new committee. But I wasn’t doing it whole-heartedly. I only saw it as a time-killer that would keep me busy and occupied until Spring Rush. I didn’t fully appreciate the frontier I was presented with when the entire Intercollegiate Committee was placed in my hands.

But today I saw, and I mean that I really saw, that Student Government is my niche. I am truly blessed to be in a position where my talents and passion can be fully utilized to do good, and do well at doing good. I realized it when one of my committees had to review Court nominations and freshman Senator and Officer nominations, and also when I had the opportunity to sit in on interviews for the sophomore senate opening. I realized that I had been focusing and thinking like I never had previously, like I got a new eye prescription. I saw. I see it now, that I was foolish to try and pave my own path through my college career, and not sit back and let You take the reins and steer me through.

Thank You, for giving me peace in my heart. Thank You, oh so much, for allowing me to finally realize that I just need to trust. Thank You.

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Great, grand, super, official master life plan:

Only for the next 10 years of my life. After I turn 28, I figure I’ll have enough experiences under my belt to make educated decisions without having to plan them out like this.

1. Finish college as an international business/something else major. Find job? Will take any company willing to send me to exotic lands “on business” to complete important projects.

2. Fall madly in love. Have considered the possibility of being a politician’s wife… think I could do a wonderful job at it — all I have to do is make someone else look good, smile at the camera, and maintain a tabloid-free life. Have also considered the possibility of being a musician’s wife: be the subject of all his eargasmic creations, star in his music videos, travel across the country for his concerts. Wouldn’t mind that lifestyle at all. So glamorous!

3. Retire/quit job, take earnings, take out a loan, find investors, and then open up my own cafe. Most likely as an LLC… least risk. And easier to go national. Specialize in pairing coffee & cupcake flavors… store name: Coffee & Cupcakes! Maybe without the exclamation point. Yes, we’re hiring!

4. Maybe have kids. I know I want two. Boy first, then girl. 4-5 years apart. The baby girl needs that good older brother role in her life. Step out of the kitchen, into the office. Open multiple C&C locations. Keep recipes top secret and locked in a vault… hey, the marketing strategy works well for KFC, doesn’t it?

5. Become a movie star. One of my customers is bound to be a casting director or something like that. He will discover my natural talent for acting and I will star alongside Jake Gyllenhaal in a romantic comedy. This is around the time my politician/musician husband gets into some publicity scandal and my lawyer will advise a separation in the interest of my well-being. Behold!– Jake takes advantage of the fact that I am a MILF with a multi-million business and two beautiful children and becomes determined to sweep me off my feet. Who am I to reject that? My husband will be caught in moral quicksand and I will have an excuse to divorce him, and marry Jake. Probably within the same week.

6. And then I celebrate my last year as a twenty-something with a trip around the world with my new hubby…

… a girl can dream, can’t she?

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Making the most of it.

I guess there’s a few things to be excited about this month, despite [very] recent goings-on.

1. super bowl sunday! Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers = halftime show. You also can’t forget the fact that Tom Brady will be gracing the t.v. screen. Is he still dating Gisele Bundchen?
2. Home next weekend. Chinese New Year. Expect the vegetarian diet to go on vacay for three days. And then I’ll be back on it.
3. nicer weather, please? I don’t believe any of this groundhog nonsense.
4. I guess this no pledging business means more visits to the gym and getting my booty shakin’ and runnin’ to some sweet jamz. On a treadmill, of course. I’m not into any of that funny dance-your-fat-off business. (sorry, Mary!)
5. I’m waiting for my copies of Velvet Elvis and The Perks of Being a Wallflower to come in the mail so I can hold off on reading for classes and bury my head in those instead.
6. I’m looking forward to SAD day. You can find me in a Senate meeting the evening of the 14th, and afterwards, I’ll enjoy some chocolate ice cream and Little Black Book (I think it’s perfect for SAD day.)
7. I’m working on my master plan for the next 10 years of my life. Stay tuned for that one. Highly entertaining and will cause major eye-rolling.

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It wasn’t meant to be.

And I’m trying really hard to be okay with it.

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Are you there God? It’s me, Jessica.

All I can say is WOW.

I feel so mixed-up right now about everything.

I quit trying to stay one step ahead of You a long, long time ago.
Only because I know that You’ll always win.

You’ve been so good to me. Too good, almost.

And I feel so greedy to be requesting this:
I want a place in Chamber this semester.

But I know that whatever You decide to throw my way,
I’ll take it.
Without question, or anger, or frustration.
Okay, okay, honestly though? A little q-a-f.
But I promise it won’t last long.
And I promise I will put the best of my efforts into
whatever it is that You want me to do.

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