Archive for Baylorness

yuck.

E: Hey you wanna go play pool tonight?
Me:  Uhh… no not really.
E: It’s me and a couple of kids from class.
Me: I was planning on working out.
E: Oh. Well we weren’t going until 10, or 11, maybe 11:30. I’ll give you a call when we leave.
Me: … okay.

So I went to the SLC and ran and played a little on the stationary bike and on the weight machines and jammed to my “1. Warm up!” and “2. Run!” playlists before heading back to my room. I was sweaty and gross and extremely hungry (I didn’t eat dinner before going to the gym). Popped some Easy Mac into the microwave (hey- don’t judge) and took out the trash. Danielle told me that I had a missed call. A missed call and a text message from E. “Hey we’re going. Do you want me to come pick you up?”  “No”, I thought to myself. “I think I’d rather stab myself in the eye.” <– I might have said that last part out loud.

But I called E back and gave a lame excuse about how my roommate was in the bathroom (she was at the time, but only for a few minutes) so I couldn’t shower, blah, blah, blah. “Well, okay, but let me know if you change your mind,” E said.

Twenty minutes later, he called again. “We ended up not going, but we’re at Common Grounds. Do you want to come?” “I’m still waiting on the bathroom…” I told him. “Oh, well come after you shower. We can study!” “Uh, okay.”

My vocabulary isn’t very large to begin with, but it only seemed to shrink as the night progressed. Probably because I didn’t want to talk to him or go see him or anything like that. Or maybe my daily caffeine intake is really taking a toll on my lingual abilities.

But I saw him in class today and he did that thing where he turned his desk to a 60-degree angle facing me. That’s nothing new, since it happens practically every class. But it really pissed me off today. And then, we had to do a skit, and guess who ended up in my group? Yeah. Lame.

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Life: 2, Jessica: 0

It’s only Tuesday, and I’ve managed to get myself into yet another awkward situation! (Okay, yes, technically it’s Wednesday, but I haven’t slept yet, so it’s Tuesday.)

Sneaker-sandals called me in the middle of my committee meeting today. I told him that I was busy and would call back in fifteen minutes. So I did. He asked me if I had eaten. I said no. He said that he would pick me up. Why?, I asked. Phi Chi date dash at Peter Piper’s Pizza!, he said. Do you want to go? … … You know how in movies and on t.v., there’s always an angel and a devil sitting on someone’s shoulders when they’re about to make a decision? Well, okay, it was more of a “be-nice-fairy” and a “you-don’t-honestly-want-to-go-fairy” on my shoulders. And guess who won? Yeah.

So he came and picked me up. We were definitely like sardines in his frat brother’s Ford Explorer. Made it to P.P.P’s in one piece, and thankfully not permanently welded to Sneaker-sandals. Didn’t eat because the pizza looked like it was made with moldy cheese so I stuck to my cup of water. They had cups of tokens so we went and played a gun-shooting game and a video version of Deal or No Deal and won fifteen tokens. It was super awkward because I’m pretty sure he’s not the popular kid of his fraternity, but that’s beside the point. You guys have to realize that he has a girlfriend who is a couple of states away, but his body language and the way he acted definitely stated otherwise. So awkward!

All in all, I did not have fun. I don’t even enjoy my cheap-o neon green friendship bracelet that we got as a prize for trading in those tickets, and the neon green ones are my favorite. I did not enjoy sitting in the back of a car with his arm on the back of my side of the seat. Nor did I enjoy having to make small talk.

I think this is God’s idea of a cruel joke or something. Two odd back-to-back experiences. What’s next?


Okay, so that might have been a tough one to decipher, so I’ve made a glossary for you, dear reader!

Sneaker-sandal: Awkward kid I met the first weekend of my freshman year. He thinks he is a Ninja. No joke.
Phi Chi: A Christian fraternity on campus.
Date dash: a popular Greek event where members are instructed at last minute to find a date within a certain time frame and make it to a central location, where planned festivities occur — usually food of some sort, accompanied by an activity.

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Feeling a bit frustrated…

…and I’m searching for comfort in the form of a latte.

I feel like things are getting a bit out of control (especially with my committee), and that certain people in one of my top two favorite organizations don’t really want me to stay. Well, shoot. You can’t make that decision for me and you won’t be able to get rid of me without my consent… even if you try to blow me off, or make decisions regarding my committee without me there, or even by giving me attitude.

And hey you, if you haven’t already realized, all relationships require an equal amount of giving and taking. In other words, I stretched myself thin for you, to help you out with your committee’s project, and I expect that you give me some effort with my committee in return, since you’re supposed to be a member and all. I don’t think it’s fair to the whole committee to try to schedule meetings around your personal schedule when you’ve made it to a grand total of three meetings since last semester — so don’t give me attitude about it because you haven’t earned an ounce of respect from me yet. I’m not taking any of your crap.

And you, I know that you’re not a fan of my decision to rush, and that you’re afraid that the same thing that happened to R. will happen to me. You haven’t said it, but I know you’re thinking it because I know you that well. But you know, it kind of hurts to blatantly ask for my resignation. It was completely out of line and unprofessional. All I asked for was time to hear back from CC about whether I’m in or not. I wanted that respect from you. I’m sure that of all people, you would understand that you don’t just march right up the the organization you want to be a part of and ask if you received a bid. Does it work that way for your fraternity? No? That’s what I thought.

All I’m asking for is a little respect from everyone. Rush is stressful. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t handle it. That doesn’t mean you can make decisions for me. That doesn’t give you a right to be rude. Thanks.

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oh goodness! uber excitement. =D

For a number of reasons:

1) I got to wear my prom dress tonight.
2) The vegetarian lifestyle is going well.
3) I have the room to myself for the weekend.
4) Rush was earlier tonight– theme? Monte Carlo. It rocked.!
5) I am surprisingly good at poker. hah.
6) Got my invite to formal coffee (Monday evening).
7) Made some great awkward conversation. I’m really good at it.
8) Spent time with Josh (date) who was awesome at making me look good tonight. (coffee and catching-up afterwards = really good.)
9) I can fall asleep watching a movie tonight and no one will care.

Vegetarian story? You know you want to hear it, and this is how it goes:
Every friday, one of the cafeterias on campus serves fish (to honor Catholic practices) and I decided I would stop by and pick up a late lunch after class today. Thinking that I probably needed the protein and whatnot that comes with fish, got some (and cherry tomatoes and sugar cookies– yum!) to bring back to my room so I could eat and get ready for Rush. Well, I cut off a small bite of the fish fillet with my fork and brought it to my mouth. No big deal, I told myself. You can eat this just like you eat tuna salad. I raised the fork to my mouth and tried to eat it. Chewed it for a really long time. And then, I couldn’t bring myself to swallow it. I kept thinking about how animals raised for food are treated, and in my mind, I guess I had subconsciously categorized fish as such. Even though I told myself that I wouldn’t take it out of my diet. Basically, I ended up force-feeding it to myself. It was pretty gross. I realize now that it was a psychological thing, because I’m okay with eating tuna salad. This vegetarian business has turned my life around 180-degrees in less than a week. I’m amazed.

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Round two… I guess?

I’m starting up my blog again, for you Sonia, just because I need to tell you everything and you’re so far away.

I have all these thoughts in my head that absolutely need to get out, and they’re pretty much all in some way involved with my favorite organization on campus. Day two of rush was today, and it was great. We played paintball and I left with a couple of battlescars. It was abfab, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Going through rush for the second time is definitely harder because even though there’s the personal advantage of having been though it before, you have to continue to work for it. It’s tough, but I love it and I want it more than anything else in the world. It’s not to take up space on my resume, or to fill up empty time in my schedule (because the Lord knows that there isn’t any!), or anything superficial like that. I really truly do want it because of the possibilities for service that I can participate in. I feel like I have a talent and that I was created the way that I am because of the potential servitude that will emerge in due time. It’s not that I don’t have leadership capability now, but I feel like if I go through pledging, I’ll change for the better, and I want that. I want to change for the better. I’m here, away from home, so I can grow and be the person that God wants me to become. But I’m putting this entire situation in His hands because I know that I’m not equipped to deal with it.

I’m rolling with the punches, and boy, are they some tough punches.

In other news, I’m considering taking the vegetarian route. I feel like it’s just a healthier way to be living life. And really, I never liked the taste of meat. And it’s not exactly the animal-cruelty deal, but it does kind of gross me out. And it should be that reason. But then again, God did intend for certain animals to be used for food… which is completely logical because you can only get certain nutrients from meat sources. I know that you can get iron and Omega-3 and such from other sources but they’re not that great. And then there’s this other issue… just the fact that I’m slightly anemic, so I shouldn’t really be cutting out iron sources. I’m really thinking about it. I don’t think it would be so bad, but I do want to give it a test run and see what happens. Maybe a week or so of being veggie wouldn’t hurt.

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